memoirs, art and fragments by Thomas Milner

A star is born


Meningiomas are a diverse set of brain tumors arising from the meninges, the membranous layers surrounding the central nervous system.

Monday June 28th 2010

I’m feeling a bit nervous today about my consultation at the hospital when I will receive the results of the MRI brain-scan that I had last month, despite various assurances from people claiming to have some inside knowledge of the workings of God’s mind (Deus é Grande).

I sit in the doctor’s office while he intently studies the images on the screen (while I intently study his face). He is taking longer than usual: no, he concludes, the brain is clean …

(whew! what a relief!)

… but you do have a new one forming, its tiny, nothing to worry about for now.

He points out, on the contrast-imaging, a white speck of light on the black perimeter of my brain.

I am crestfallen and struggle to maintain my equilibrium.

Great, I think bitterly, that’s all I needed – another bleeding little star is born.



Comments on: "A star is born" (5)

  1. Oh, what worries to have to have, poor you. Maybe the little one will take its leave, burn up in the galaxy. Who knows. And God has a Mind, per se? Learn something new every day. Well Supreme-Being Knowing is similar to our little minds, I suppose, or a way to frame and attempt to understand. (I am sure you did not mean to set me off to pondering, and debating with myself, one of my hobbies!) Happy weekend, happy painting, Thomas. ~ Lily


    • They don’t «burn up» I’m afraid, Lily, oh that they did!
      Their nature is to grow either minimally or exponentially like my first two, after the second which I remained in (an induced) coma for about 5 days and I had strange & terrible dreams & hallucinations ….
      I’ll blog about all this when I feel I’m ready.



  2. Tom,

    Your sense of humour shines through here. Sometimes that’s what keeps us going I feel, though some days it just won’t work.

    This, as well as being humerous, is very moving and I can relate totally to professional faces looking at brain MRI scan results.

    And also your line “despite various assurances from people claiming…

    I can’t help but feel it’s their helplessness for another’s strife. It’s so easy to say to someone “Oh, I’m sure you’ll be fine” I got all that and I am definitely not fine and never will be. But that’s not “their” fault I guess.

    Your painting is very intense and captures the mood vividly and the most moving bit of all is the picture showing “another star is born”

    Please keep writing and posting – you do me the world of good :):)



    • Christine, thanks for your insightful comments. That was two years ago and my uninvited guest is there of course, a bit bigger but not yet making it’s presence felt (it still lurks in the attic).
      Yes, I’m sure you you can relate all this! and people’s reactions etc.
      My next (annual) MRI is looming up in May …


      • I will be thinking about you. Remind me when it is and I will make sure you are in my thoughts on that day.

        I don’t know when or even if, they will MRI me again for the MS but I know myself it has deteriorated and there will be more lesions on my brain, but they can’t do anything about them anyway. To a great degree MS is about managing it yourself in whatever ways you can, gleaning info from this source and that. There are a few drugs but none for me apparently!
        But most of them have horrible side effects so not worth it. They still can’t cure it.

        I get a lot of comfort from a closed Facebook group called SweetDreaMS where we can all really empathise with each other.



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